“The act of writing is an act of attempted comprehension, and, in a childlike way, control; we are so baffled and exhausted by what has happened, we want to imagine that giving words to the unspeakable will make it somehow our own.”
~ Joyce Carol Oates, in a New York Times interview, “Why we write about grief“
When I published “Creative grief” a few weeks ago, I expected a lot of reactions. You can’t write about a topic as emotional as divorce without eliciting some sort of response in people. (The fact that the blog confirmed what my Facebook friends have been suspecting for weeks — well, that probably had something to do with it, too.)
I have no idea if the blog was helpful for the few hundred people who read it, but it turned out that the process of writing it was enormously helpful for me. “Creative grief” gave my story a place to live. The comments on Facebook, Twitter and the blog itself helped me slog through some of the most difficult moments of my life — moving out of my house, meeting with my divorce attorney, Christmas.
More than that, writing about the heartache and sadness unlocked something inside of me. For the first time in weeks, I felt as though my life made sense. Through all the darkness, I was able to make space for gratitude — for friends, for family, for my own inner strength. Writing “Creative grief” helped me feel free for the first time in a very long time.
Yet that feeling only lasted a little while.
Despite the outpouring of love, despite the clarity that came from writing and sharing my story — it turns out that I still have to grieve. All the smartest people in my life tell me that it just takes time.
Still, if only for a few hours or a few days, I discovered that writing helped me feel better. Publishing my writing on a blog helped me realize that I don’t have to face the pain of my divorce alone. If my writing helps another divorcee feel as if they aren’t alone, well, that’s just gravy.
So, if you’ll indulge me, I’ll keep writing about grief from time to time — until I no longer feel called to.
